Stand-up Comic

Lent Hacks

Hello Everyone

I hope you had a flipping good week. Pancake tuesday should be a national holiday in my opinion. I could barely enjoyed my Nutella soaked fried batter, in between working a double shift. A day off would be far more enjoyable for what is after all my second favourite day after Christmas, my birthday, Paddy’s day, Easter and Friday’s!!

Then there was Hash Wednesdays where all the Granny’s walk around after joints were put out on their foreheads.

And so began lent, if like me, you lost your belief in religion a long time ago but because of the country we were born into, you were given the Catholic Guilt Injection around the same time as the MMR Vaccine. You might feel that Lent is something you have to practice still.

I have come up with Five Lent Hacks to help you survive the next six weeks.

1.Diet 

If you are on a “diet” for the next six weeks you can change this word to “Lent”. Tell people your on a “diet” they’ll tell you your being silly and your gorgeous while shoving a chocolate digestive down your throat. Tell them your on Lent it shuts them up like a Nun’s Vagina.

So back off with those biscuits Barbara.

 

2. Give up something you don’t like.

I’m a vegetarian, I haven’t eaten meat for 19 years am I giving meat up for Lent? of course, its what the baby Jesus would have wanted, me not to eat his mates from the stable.

Give up something you don’t like for a successful guilt free lent.

 

3. St Patricks Day

All Irish folk know Saint Patricks Day is our go free pass on Lent.So go fecking mental I say. Undo all you have given up for one glorious day. It was Paddy himself who told god the same day he was driving the snakes out Ireland to give all us sinners a break, after all that is Why we celebrate that Gent so much.

4. Change Religion

Its never to late to change your faith. To avoid Lent altogether here’s a list of religions that don’t do Lent.

Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Pastafarian etc

Don’t worry, be happy – Buddha

5. Take up something new

Lent is all about giving up something but I thought god hated quitters so I suggest taking up a hobbie like singing, photography or gambling.

Gambling the bobbie you’ll never give up again….not even for Lent!

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